Trail Marathon, Pinkney MI 2016

People refer to golf as a nice walk through a park ruined by a small white ball.

A trail race can be a great day in the woods ruined by the perceived need for speed.

I have now done the Trail full marathon twice.  Both times the first loop was easy going, filled with camaraderie and laughter.  It also went by much faster than I expected.  The second loop is when the real test seems to start.

I turned my ankle in the first mile of the second loop.  It wasn’t a really bad turn, just enough to really slow me down.  It was especially annoying going down hills on an ankle I couldn’t trust.  Three miles later I was stung by something black and fuzzy on my other ankle and I thought “Shit this trail is out to get me!”.  The next several miles I felt as slow as syrup; I could not seem to go any faster.  It became a mind game of staying positive as I was being passed by run/walkers and speed walkers.  There were lots of bright spots to the day to enjoy and be grateful for. Perfect weather, the smell of wild lilacs, may apples sprouting and the violets, trillium, and forget-me-nots sprinkled the sides of the trail.  Then the race director Randy happened to be at one of the aid stations, he took one look at me and said “You’re a sight for sore thighs!” 

I tried to enjoy my day and not let self-doubt destroy my run, but I was often caught in thought loops of “I guess my body just isn’t made for marathons.” and “Maybe I should just focus on half marathons since the first half went so well.”    I really, really wanted to quit and my body kept saying. “We could stop any time now”  But I didn’t stop, I didn’t quit, I kept pushing and I kept moving no matter how slow.  I used my mantras and looked for those bright spots on the trail I had missed the first time through because I was too focused on the path to notice the beautiful day. I knew if I made the 22 mile aid station I could finish.  I sang songs in my head and I told myself “I have a Toltec heart, I am worthy!”  At mile 22 my friends were shouting my name as I picked up pace and ran up the hill.  The heat was getting to me and I turned down a beer and begged for something cold.  Amanda scooped up handfuls of ice from the cooler, and Brian told me to shove it down my sports bra and I would feel better.   I tried it and I started to feel a lot better.  Brian looked at me and said it’s only 3.5 miles you’re finishing this I am not driving your ass to the finish line.”  And he was right. 3.5 miles is the distance of a typical after work run, where I am used to pushing through the exhaustion.  I remembered my friends from BARS and Running lab runs and told myself over and over “It’s just a BARS or Running Lab run, I got this, I can do this”.

I did actually feel way better, I was able to pick up pace to 14 min/mi with less walking.  I started to meet random hikers on the trail who cheered me on.  I caught up with some 50k runners on their last 5 miles and they seemed to have had a rough run as well, and I felt better about my own struggle.  In the last half mile I caught up to and passed one of the walkers who had passed me many miles back.  Steve was waiting for me as I rounded the bend to take the last hill up to the finish.  I managed to kick it up to a final sprint as Steve ran me into the finish line. I finished short of my goal of under 7 hours, however I did finish 30 minutes faster than the last time I ran it.

I did it in spite of my brain trying to sabotage me with gloomy thoughts.  I joined my friends at the finish party and enjoyed stretching out in the sun, boozie popsicles, laughter and moans as we recapped our adventures.  I know I can do this.  I know I can survive the trail and conquer my self-doubt to run 26.2 miles again.

Into the woods I go, to lose my mind and find my soul!

Possibilities

I am currently training for a Full marathon at the end of April, soon to start training for a Tri sprint end of June, and since that is not enough crazy I am considering my next Ultra.  A 100k early June or focus on the Tri and consider a 100k at Woodstock in the fall.  Hmmm.  I ran across my journal entry from after my 50k. 

         "It is somewhat fitting that I ran the "far out 50k" at a race called Woodstock. There was the usual laundry list of ups and downs: Finding your watch uncharged, unexpected storms blowing through, downed trees ( one filled with very angry bees!) muddy, shoe stealing, ankle twisting paths. Finding friends and camaraderie in pain, sweat, and the joy of movement.  it was the best of times, it was the most surreal of times and I found myself smiling through most of it."

By my words I don't believe I'm done with Ultra runs, but timing may be important if I want to stay healthy and be successful at my other races.  

First Tri “Signs”

It was tough being told I shouldn’t be ultra running, fighting anemia for months to work back up to close to where I was before I got sick last fall. It was harder still trying to ignore the voices in my head that kept telling me that maybe I’m just not athletic enough or maybe I just wasn’t meant to run. I can’t fight genetics and maybe running won’t work for my body. I might not be a fast runner, but I do love to run. I love to be out in the woods and I absolutely loved getting through my first 50K and still hope to do a 50 miler.  The doctor said to start biking and swimming instead of running as much; tenaciously I had to give triathlons a try.

The First Tri triathlon is a super sprint with a 400 meter swim, 9 mile bike, and 2 mile run. I was nervous more than excited; mostly afraid I would be miserable trying to finish the swim. The bike and run I knew I could do. The swim was likely to be my downfall. Training was rough and swimming wasn’t getting much easier. The final brick workout of swim 30 min/ bike 30 min/ run 30 min went horribly. I was recovering from a cold and kept coughing and choking as I tried to tread water and clear my lungs enough to keep going.  Then my legs where too tired with calves cramping during the run and I ended up walking most of it. I started to get depressed and think, “Well, crap, maybe I’m going to suck at this”.

The days leading up to the race weren’t very promising. Wednesday, the swim portion was cancelled. Thursday it was back on again. Weather was predicted to be fairly cold with temperatures in the upper 50s that morning and I hadn’t invested in a wet suit. But I had a co-worker encouraging me on and listening to her talk about her lack of training and her own disastrous swim gave me hope that I might not do too badly. Steve was there as support crew, happy for me, encouraging me. I was going to give this a Tri a try and I was going to put forth my best effort, still unsure if I would really enjoy it. It’s not like running; it’s not the get into a rhythm meditation that gets me through my long runs. This would take a different kind of mental toughness.

I was in one of the last waves standing on the beach, toes and fingers turning blue from the cold, shivering and again wondering if I could do this when I had an epiphany.  As the sun was gradually rising and warming up the sand and I watched the first few waves go out I remembered the time I lived on a lake. Those summers I lived in the water, pretending to be a dolphin or an otter. I spent most of every day swimming. I might not be able to do the freestyle correctly but I could still enjoy the water. I started noticing small things that seemed like positive signs. I was counted off as I entered the corral as #21, my family’s lucky number. My age, 42, was written on my leg. Not a bad thing to have the answer to life the universe and everything written on your calf for a race. Before I knew it I was in the water and it was reach, breath, reach, breath, not worrying about the bodies around me who might be slower or faster. I was simply enjoying the rhythm, enjoying the feel of the water and enjoying the jokes and comments of the other swimmers around me.  By the time I started to get tired I could see the finish line and I didn’t bother with the resting backstroke I had practiced; I pushed through until I could stand and wade out. With somewhat shaky legs but overall feeling good I was on to the transition and Steve’s smile and on the bike and I’m off again. The bike was fun! I was passing people, and only a few people were passing me. It felt good, I felt strong and before I knew it I was back in transition with really wobbly legs. I walked the bike in, grabbed my water bottle and headed back out but damn my calves went from burning to cramping and the only stride I could manage was a hopping stride that I knew was more a up and down dancing motion than the forward run that I needed, but it was that or walk so I just kept going and repeating over and over in my head “I will loosen up, it will get better, just keep going and it will get better.” I was passed by a woman with a pink Run 4 Wine shirt which was from the first year that I started running; I did that race with another friend who encouraged and coached me into better form. I pulled my trunk up and heard her voice in my head saying “C’mon girl get those Ta Tas up”.

I started to feel a little better and was getting to the first turn around at the half mile mark, finally able to get a better stride, when I was paced by a woman with a Trail Marathon shirt, my favorite spring race. We chatted for a few and she pulled ahead. I didn’t mind, I saw her age on the back of her calf was 34. It doesn’t feel as bad being passed by someone almost 10 years younger than me. The path changed from pavement to trail and suddenly I felt at home, with a little rush of feeling that this is where I belong. I didn’t let myself pick up pace yet. I wanted to save myself for a good push at the finish. I did start running the hills, and got a huge cheer from one of the race marshals at the top of the 1.5 mile mark hill. Half a mile left and I knew I could start pushing it. I focused on pushing from the glutes, kicking my feet back, then rounded the corner and saw the final hill leading up to the finish and knew I could still sprint in. I did it! A short triathlon, but still I did more than try a tri, I finished happy and strong. I felt great and did so much better than in any of my trainings. First Tri won’t be my last. I now have a whole new world of training that has opened up to me.

Island Lake Run

Back on my home trail again.  Great run out at Island Lake but a very different feel than the remote, serene forests up north.  The North Country Trail had an isolated peaceful feeling.  Knowing you're miles from any road and not being unable to point in the direction of the nearest sign of civilization is somehow freeing.  Tonight's run felt good and I pushed myself knowing exactly where I was and which way the trail would turn, but a part of me wishes I had more time and money to run away up north and escape the traffic noise...and the bikers.  : )  

I managed to take only 3 walk breaks.  Halfway up the biggest hill I started walking the rest of the way, then jumping to the side twice for bikers.  Other than that I was able to keep going for the full 6 miles.  I was going to take a 2 min walk break at the 3 mile mark but felt fine and kept going to 4. Thought I would walk at 4 miles but I was in a good rhythm and just wanted to keep going.  At 5 miles I only had a mile left to go and thought why walk now I can do another mile, and was even able to pick up my pace to 11:30 min/miles for the last 3/4 of a mile.  finished the trail at a hour and 20 min for an average 13:33 pace.  My knees are stiff, but I didn't push myself too hard because I'm not getting any GI track issues tonight.  

O.K. Next time I'm taking the whole hill : )

Taquamanon Falls 25K

Beautiful, serene, remote.  Bogs with mud and log crossings, many bridges, soft pine packed earth surrounded by meadows, trees, gorges, and hills.  A course of steep switchbacks, many root covered technical areas and several steep stairways going up and down.  Fun times!

Feeling good in the beginning, barely noticing the miles fly by. Stopping at one point to pick blueberries.  There was a veritable carpet of blueberry bushes in some spots.  Joking and singing with friends miles 1 - 7 flew by and I hardly noticed them.  8 and 9 were OK but I was struggling to keep up at that point and knew by my breathing that I wouldn't be likely to maintain that pace. The sun was well up and humidity was starting to hit me pretty hard.  

This is the point of the race where in a running book a runner would suck it up.  Pull from some magical extra reserves and not only catch up but beat their friends to the finish.  Which is what Steve did, not so much me.  The next 6 miles were a struggle with my breathing, a struggle with cramping calves, and an internal struggle with my negative self where I fought off 3 panic attacks.

I wish I had finished stronger, I wish I had come into the finish with family and friends encouraging me and been able to smile at them.  Instead I came in barely able to stand up, collapsing into their arms.  Very happy I could stop!   I get down on myself for not finishing strong, but I could have walked that last half mile, I made myself run it.  I think that at that point I just wanted to sit down, my calves had pretty much gone on strike and I was pushing to just put one foot in front of the other but I still ran that last half mile.  I was not going to walk in to the finish.  I am proud of that last half mile of push.  No matter how slow the previous 6 miles had been.

Points of struggle:

- First was the breathing.  At the 9 mile rest step I made a note that it was getting more humid.  I don't know if I would have been better if I had tried to ignore the creeping humidity and continue to try to keep up with the rest of the group, or if I was better for listening to my breathing and dialing back to where I could keep breathing.  If I had kept pushing myself would I have been like that poor runner at the end of the race who was collapsed with heat stroke and taken to the hospital?  Instead of finishing last then enjoying a really great lunch with family and friends.  Regardless, my breathing is a continual issue with me when running.  My larynx will often start to close up with exertion and I spend a lot of time struggling to make my throat relax.  I wheeze a lot when running and if anything makes me upset or breathing more difficult, then the larynx will close more and I will have to stop until I can get my throat to relax again.  I hate this weakness.  I hate that I can't just relax and breath the way most people seem to be able to do.  I play mental games of timing my breath with my steps, but that trick is usually too monotonous to occupy my mind.  If I make the mistake of thinking about the struggle or starting to let myself get upset over anything then I go into a full panic attack.  My throat will lock down, I will barely be able to draw in a trickle of breath.  Then I have to stop as I try to calm myself enough that I can breath again.  So not allowing myself to go into negative thought loops or getting upset or depressed about perceived poor performance is very important.  

Ideas towards improving my breathing:  Practicing daily meditation.  Practicing yoga and Thai chi for learning better breathing with movement.  

- Second point of struggle controlling negative and self destructive thoughts.  When I have these internal struggles I am often getting down on myself for not being stronger.  Stronger than what or whom I'm not sure but it is a struggle to not kick myself about for being weaker than others.  But I don't see or know their internal struggles.  I don't have any idea what their inner demons are.  Maybe I do something easily that they feel hopelessly clumsy with.  This idea that I should be stronger or should be better is a fallacy.  And I have to find a way to stop beating myself up about this.  The challenge of training and improving your performance is part of running, but not if you use it to take the joy out of running. The feeling of being alive and the extra brightness and beauty of your surroundings.  Being outside and feeling the freedom and fun of exploring a new trail.  These are what running is to me.  Not something to use to compare myself with others and always falling short of higher expectations.  That's a head game I will never win!  

Ideas towards improving negative self talk:  Practicing positive self talk, practicing positive mantras to help stop negative thought loops.  practicing meditation with movement.

- The Third point of struggle is physical, I seem to have a point at the 13 - 15 mile mark where my calves start to give out.  I struggle with painful cramping that won't allow me to continue running that forces me into taking long walk breaks.  This seriously slows me down. Is the secret to go slower to start with? I am already going at a very slow pace, going even slower is so frustrating, especially with a race where everyone else seems to take off at 3x my speed. (see previous paragraphs)  I could look at Manual Muscle Testing hip and leg muscles again, see where I am weak and stick to a strength training schedule.  (One of the best Ultra runners I know claims to do 500 single leg squats a day).  There are drills I could practice to improve my stride and pace.  There are formulas I can look at to determine my energy out put vs energy input.  I sweat a lot when I run, no matter the level of clothing i wear.  I seem to sweat a lot, which could mean I'm losing nutrients at a fast rate.  It's known that we use them up faster than we can replenish when running, but is there a rate I should be drinking and taking in energy?  I tried taking salt tablets in this last race, but it didn't seem to help the cramping much.  I don't know if I need to take more of them but I worry about hyperemia because of my fluid loss and don't want to take in too many at a time. 

Ways to improve physically: Stick to the strength training plan! No excuses!   Try different nutrition options during my long runs, preferably not during a race where they can mess up my race. Work on getting stronger and faster at my shorter distances to help break through the 13 mile wall.

Somewhere in the midst of the training I need to keep focus on the fun side of things.  That I do this not as a chore but as something I enjoy.  That rainy trail runs are something that I live for.  : ) 

Lessons from my first full Marathon:

In regards to training:
- Stay on track.  Having vein surgery mid training and having a 2 week running restriction interrupted training that was already not on track as much as I would like due to nasty winter weather.

- Strength Train!  Find the time, seriously.  I did not work on training my hips as much as I had planned and I think I am lacking in speed because of it.

For the 50k training I opted to have the surgery just before starting, causing me to be a little late to start but I am hoping it will be better than disrupting mid training.

For race day:
-  Take advantage of the bag drop to have a spare change of clothes available mid race.  I didn't and the day had variable temps depending on if the sun was out or if you were passing the lake.  I could easily go from too warm to too cold in a span of miles, and found my wet clothes chaffing in the second loop.  I really wish I had a dry sports bra to change into.

- Make sure I am taking in enough salt when I am sweating a lot.  Lots of calf cramping miles 15 - 18 were alleviated by taking in potatoes  dipped in salt at the next 3 rest stops, however by then I had to do a lot more walking than I had planned on.

-  If your shoe feels loose and ankle unsteady then stop to retie right away, I thought it could wait until the next rest area and I didn't want to lose my rhythm, however having my ankle too wobbly on rough trail started the whole slide into calf cramping.

Good things:
I did slow down when I needed to, and didn't push  into stupid levels of injury.
I didn't stop even when my body was crying for me to and I was certain I was the last one on the trail.
I was able to finish strong, sprinting with a smile after one of the roughest trails in Michigan!
I discovered new levels of endurance..which of course inspires me to see if I can keep pushing farther.

Thoughts On A 50k training

   I am now looking forward to my first 50k, (yah I'm at that level of crazy) not sure I'm ready for the miles though and having some serious doubts as I peruse the few training plans I have been able to find on line.    Just went through another vein ablation surgery and the Dr. insists I need to take it slow working back into training, with a 2 week break.  it's been 4 weeks since the marathon and technicly I should be starting to train for the 50k, this break will set me behind with only 13 weeks to train.  Ouch!  

     I've decided to focus on light stregth training during the time I'm not allowed to run, HR training with fast walking, and trying to finagle 16 weeks of training down to 13.  Really my best hope is that as usual I am not focused on speed as much as I am just hoping to finish.  

Things to focus on strengthening:

- L. glut and hamstring seem noticably weaker than right when performing single leg sit to stands or single leg bridge up. (I'm considering buying the Kinetic Revolution hip training program)

- I had a lot of issues with ankle turning on the trail, closed chain ankle stabilizing exercises. Including some jump rope.  here's an interesting drill: http://www.kinetic-revolution.com/foot-ankle-mobility-drill-for-runners/

- Core!  working on 3 different 15 min routines I can do every morning while waiting for the coffee to brew.  More details later.  One will involve some ballet core work doing side V- ups with kick backs and kick outs.

I don't want to lose sight of how important the strength training is and plan on adding it into the training program.  More on that later as I finish getting it written up.  Well I'm off to take the dog for an evening walk! 

Cheers!