Sloth Runner/Sloth Cancer

     I have had a difficult year and it has been hard to stay motivated to run this year.  I remember when I first started running I was a back of the packer, and then with some training I pushed my way forward to midpack.  Health issues have me steadily sliding to the back of the pack again.  First it was COVID, then when I was finally starting to feel better and like I could really go back to training I was plagued with a lingering fatigue.  I would have muscle aches and fatigue much longer after runs than normal.  When running I felt so slow and lumbering like I was fighting through syrup to move myself.  I thought maybe COVID was just lingering longer, or maybe my iron was low again and I needed to eat more spinach and meat.  Other than fatigue and continued pain from a stomach ulcer that I have had for 5 years now, I really feel pretty good.  There didn't seem to be any reason for the heavy fatigue after relatively short runs.

    I was scheduled for an endoscopy and biopsy of the stomach ulcer in March but COVID shut down all non essential procedures.  After several reschedules I was finally able to have the endoscopy in late July. The endoscopy revealed that my ulcer was not bacterial and would not be cured with antibiotics.  It also revealed a mass the size of a golf ball deep in my stomach lining which they tried to biopsy.  Due to the depth and awkward placement they were not able to get a good sample and the results were inconclusive. But it's shape did not present like typical stomach cancer so the doctor was fairly certain it was benign and most likely a "pancreatic rest".  To be safe another biopsy with ultrasound scope was ordered, sadly they were still unable to get a good sample but the second doctor who did the ultrasound scope agreed that it "looked" benign and agreed with the "pancreatic rest" theory.  This was late August and I was then sent for a CT scan to check for other signs of malignancy, "just to finally be sure that it is benign".  The results of the CT scan also thought that the mass in my stomach was benign, however they found several lesions in my liver that were worrying and scheduled a biopsy of my liver.  The biopsy of my liver happened the beginning of November and the results were not benign.  It was cancer we just didn't know how extensive yet.  More bloodwork was ordered and now I was sent to have a PET scan from nose to mid thigh to determine how extensive the cancer was, it didn't present as liver cancer and they felt it was spreading from somewhere else in the body.  My case was moved over to an "oncology" team and as they say "shit started to get real".

    I admit, I have been fairly anxious since they said the liver lesions were cancerous.  But I rallied my spirits and made plans to fight it.  With expectations of upcoming chemo treatments and possible surgeries I thought, "I've got this, It's just another type of marathon right?" It will be grueling and painful at times but worth the effort.  I have lots of family/friends and support and my loved ones will be there for me.  I shared the info with a few close friends and family, even though it felt surreal and I expected any day a call from the doctor saying they made a mistake and I'm actually fine.  I even made plans for when I lost my hair to borrow wildly colorful wigs from Leanna, and more normal wigs from Dawn.  

    On this past Sunday the results from my PET scan arrived in my patient portal.  I was scheduled to meet with the oncologist on Tuesday to go over the results.  Looking back I would not advise reading the results of such a scan on your own.  Even with my medical training and background I am not an oncologists and I know just enough to know how much I don't know about what is surgically and medically possible.  I would advise anyone to wait until your doctor can explain the results to you.  Do not make assumptions or self diagnose or search Web MD for answers.  From what I could understand of the scan results the Tumor in my stomach was very active and malignant and the probable source of the liver lesions.  The liver cancer was much more extensive than what showed on the CT scan and there were signs of higher "activity" in other areas.  On the good side there was no "activity" in my lymph nodes or bones.  OK, so scarier and definitely not good but  I was still optimistic, in shock but optimistic that with surgery and chemo and possibly radiation I can beat this.  I was suddenly grateful for my COVID lock down weight gain.  I assumed I would need some kind of gastric bypass and hey now I had the extra weight to keep me from losing too much.

    Tuesday December the 8th I met with my oncologist, still feeling surreal and disbelieving but ready for a game plan and to start fighting the cancer.  Bring on the chemo, the surgeries and the radiation lets destroy this stuff!  So I was completely stunned to hear the words "Stage 4" and "Terminal".  I had to ask the doctor to repeat herself twice as I simply could not even understand what I was hearing.  The cancer is "inoperable" and "extensive" and "not curable". The doctor went on to explain that the plan was to give me "the highest quality of life for as long as they could."  There would be no radiation treatment and my appointments with the radiation doctor were being cancelled.  There would be no chemo infusions as that would drastically reduce my quality of life and not work to kill this type of cancer. I had a rare type of stomach "Gist" cancer that is very slow to spread and does not present as a cancer.  The most common form of stomach cancer is very aggressive and spreads too fast to catch and most people die within weeks of knowing they have it.  I am lucky, I have the sloth cancer and they have "High Hopes" of slowing and even shrinking the cancer with the chemo pills.  They even have a particular drug in mind that usually works very well with my type of cancer and many people live for several years just taking one pill a day with very few side effects.  They are confident once they determine which drug to use that they can give me several more years of a relatively high quality life.  And new cancer drugs are being developed all the time so there is still some hope that they will find something later on that can give me even more time.  At this point they are hopeful that I could have up to 10 or more years left.  

    So I am blessed!  I am blessed with time my friends, time to continue to help people heal and feel better with my work as a PTA.  Time to travel and see friends and family and have many more adventures on the trail.  Right now I am finding comfort in these thoughts.  I am also still shocked and in the disbelief phase, so I understand I may later hit an angry phase where I will need to rant and scream at the world.  But for now, at this point I am grateful, so very grateful to have time.  Grateful to have a sloth cancer that wants to take it's time and let's me enjoy life for a little while longer.

    Back of the pack runners are a tough and determined bunch.  They are pushing through and often working to stay positive and optimistic in a sport that praises and lauds speed.  Often they call themselves sloth or turtle runners.  It's about the journey and enjoying the time with friends outdoors and not the speed you are capable of going.  So for the foreseeable future I have rejoined the sloth running group, but I will be in great company and continue to find my joy on the trails.

Go team sloth! Woop Woop!

Was it COVID?

The answer is I don't really know, but we have been treating it as if I had.  Here's the time line of my symptoms and experience:

April 4th:  I woke up feeling fine but could no longer smell anything and had much reduced ability to taste.  Otherwise  I felt just fine and did some painting and chores like normal.   I felt a little more tired than usual in the evening, which I assumed was from painting and chores. My temperature was only slightly higher than normal  before bed.

The next couple days: Continued to have no sense of smell.  Increasing bouts of fatigue. Still slightly elevated temp.  No other symptoms.

Monday April 7th - Friday April 10th: Slight temp continued, Fatigue increased drastically and now fatigue bouts also had strange body pains and aches at times bad enough that I would just sit and rock. I just felt like something was wrong, really wrong and I couldn't really describe what it was. Couldn't stand for even light activities for longer than an hour without fatigue and pain starting.  Thursday and Friday started having tightness in chest and dull pain in chest with deep breathing.  There were bouts of feeling normal that would last maybe an hour then fatigue would hit again.  Started monitoring SPO2 which would drop to 88%.  Used short bouts of activity and deep breathing exercises to bring readings up to 94%, sometimes I could get it as high as 97%.  Normal readings should be 98 - 100%.

Sat 11th and Sun 12th: Started to have longer periods of feeling better, particularly in the morning could handle 2 - 2.5 hours of light activity before fatigue and pain.  Chest continued to ache at times.  continued to have bouts of low SPO2 readings.

Monday 13: In the Morning I felt great, completely normal.  Temperature was back down to my normal. State Health Department changed testing policy that anyone with symptoms could get tested for Covid. Contacted Health department and arrange for getting a test on Tuesday.  That afternoon my Temp was again slightly higher than normal and fatigue and body aches were back.

Tuesday 14th Temp normal in the morning and I felt pretty good for most of the morning. Steve drove me to the drive through Covid testing in Howell which was a back alley behind an Urgent Care clinic.  The doctor stepped out of the clinic and tested me in my car, my SPO2 was low, my Temp slightly elevated. After listening to my symptoms he said he was confident that I had a lighter version of Covid but the test has issues with false negatives and I should continue to self isolate and he wanted me to make an appointment with a doctor at Beaumont who had been working with Covid patients.  Steve took me home and fatigue and body aches returned for the day. An appointment was made for a teleconference with the doctor from Beaumont who when consulted agreed with the clinic physician that I had a lighter version of Covid and my symptoms were similar the patients that she saw who were able to recover without intervention.  She prescribed a Z-pack as a preventative for secondary infections, said to continue to self isolate and continued with increased rest and fluids and SPO2 monitoring as I had been.  If my symptoms increased or if I was not able to raise my SPO2 to contact her again.  Otherwise she felt I would be fine and could return to normal activity after 14 days symptom free.

For the rest of that week I continued to improve  with longer and longer bouts of "feeling fine and back to normal"  If I did too much activity at once I would be hit with another bout of fatigue and body aches.  Too much activity seemed to be standing for longer than a couple hours to cook or clean.  By Friday My SPO2 was staying at 95% or greater and I no longer had tightness  or chest pain.  And The doctor texted me a picture of the negative results of my Covid test.  By the weekend I could walk a couple miles slowly with stops and rest breaks around my yard.

The rest of my days have kinda blended together with gradually increasing stamina and I have mostly returned to normal activity.  The first time I tried running my muscles were very sore.  I'm having increased cramping at night on days that I run and my calves especially cramp up when i get up after a long period of sitting on the day after I have run.  So I have tried to alternate days of running with days of walking.

This past Monday the 27th I spent all day raking and weeding the gardens around the house, I took 20 - 30 min breaks every couple hours.  It still wiped me out that evening I could barely move and the body aches seemed to be back.  Tuesday again for the morning I was fine and my normal self but in the afternoon I crashed and couldn't get up and had to doze on the couch.  So I'm probably not ready for a full day of energy exertion yet.  It's probably a good thing for me that I have had this enforced rest period from not having a job and a stay at home order.

So did I have COVID?  I don't know.  2 doctors  are fairly confident that I did.  The test result was negative, which could be false.  I know I have never been sick like this before.  it was not like the flu, nor was it like a cold and the body aches were strange and almost nerve like pain referring down my arms and into my fingers or down my legs and into my toes.  I have never had an illness where I completely lost my sense of smell with no congestion or sinus drainage.  Losing your smell might seem like a small thing but I found it very disturbing and scary.

So for everybody's protection, I continue to social distance and wear a mask when out  in public.  I'm still not sure if I should go to a grocery store, but I have been to parks that are easier to distance at

I don't think I will know unless there is an accurate antibody test.  And if there is a vaccine that comes out for it, I will still want to be vaccinated.

Stay safe, stay well, and keep distancing my friends.

-Jennifer/Jenna

A Certain Kind of Manic

We recently lost our cat Misty. She was sweet and gentle and company at night, often sleeping on my lap while I sat and did notes.  She was an older cat (15yrs) or a young senior cat as a vet would say. But she was very healthy and had no issues with eating or toileting, and her kidneys where functioning, and no diabetes.  So her sudden death from a blood clot came as a complete surprise.  It was a horrible choice. We could put a beloved pet who is in pain through a painful risky surgery with only a 15 - 50% change of a partial recovery.  With the knowledge that she could have another blood clot at any time.  Or let her go and give her a dignified release from pain.  Luckily everyone in the family agreed that it was the best we could do to say goodbye for one last loving hour then have her put to sleep. 

I need to give a shout out to Brighton Town and Country Animal Hospital, not only did they agree to see Misty 20 min to closing, but they stayed open for us and waited for Dawn to arrive and gave our family as much time as we needed to say goodbye.  It was 12:45 am before we finally finished and left the clinic, and they were gentle, caring and did not rush us at all in our hour of need.

We have played host to several cats over the years.  Some reached a natural end, some simply disappeared (One I think might have been stolen), but we always had 2 or 3 at a time and so I always had another cat around.  Our sister in law Brenda has a severe allergy to cats, as in can't breathe and has to go to the hospital.  Steve and I have a routine now of showering, washing the dog(who is contaminated) and only bringing freshly laundered clothes (On allergen cycle) when visiting.  They are unable to come to our house due to the cat.  So our plan had been not to get another when Misty passed. That was when I thought I had 2-3 more years with her.

So coupled with the depression from loosing a pet is the sadness that we will not be able to get another.  Maybe I am making too big a deal out of it, but I feel lost.  I have loved and had cats in my life since I was a little girl.  There's a pretty big hole right now and I don't know how to fill it. 

Fast forward to Steve mentioning that he was researching Hypoallergenic cats.  (Technically there is no such thing, there are just breeds that have less of the protein in their saliva that people are allergic to.)
Right that's all I needed to have permission to start my own research and scanning of petfinder and various breed rescue sites.  No we are not buying a 1500$ kitten, and yes that's how much the breeders generally charge.  Steve likes the Balinese, I like the Siberian, So if anyone happens to know of one that is available we would love to give it a good home.  In the mean time Steve is somewhat resolved to just rescuing a cat in need regardless of breed and we shall just continue our dance to shield Brenda from cat allergens.  We will also be resigned to his sister never coming to our house. 

Some may remember when I went a little dog crazy and started obsessively researching breeds, scanning rescue sites and watching The Dog Whisperer. Um yah well now I seem to be doing that for cats.  No cat can replace Misty, they all have their own personalities.  Steve has more of a "well if we're going to get one lets just get one" attitude.  I have visited a couple shelters but haven't fallen in love with any of them yet.  Sure we could give a cat a good home, but I guess I am waiting for that "Aha, this is the right cat for us"  moment.  I also promised Leanna not to get a new cat while she is out of the country.  So I apologize for my distracted behavior as I randomly scan Petfinder and adopt a pet sites, looking for the right match for us.  Steve says we should get one white one and one black one and call them Aziraphel and Crawley.

Rest in Peace dear Misty, you are missed and were greatly loved.

Winners forget they're in a race they just love to run.

That saying was in a friend's fortune cookie this week and I adopted it for my motto for today's race. 

Several years ago when I first started running I had a favorite fall trail race called Hidden Forest. It was through the woods and around the lake at Independence Oaks at the beginning of November.  Sadly they stopped holding that race a few years back and I had not found a replacement.  This left me feeling a bit incomplete as I usually bracket my race season with Trailfest in the spring and Hidden Forest in the fall.  I am excited to report that I have found another fall race that offered similar rolling hills and autumn trees surrounding beautiful still water. There was also lots of friends and bonfires and music at the end.  I really hope Running Fit holds this race again next year!
On to the report, in regards to the title.  One of the things I have a terrible time with is when I am feeling slowed down with my anemia, it's much harder to run and I am much more slow.  Being passed by runners I could normally keep up with is frustrating and sends me mentally to a bad place where I struggle not to beat myself up about not doing better. 
I was happy I didn't have a big time limit. With this race I could finish in time for festivities if I walked it. No pressure to go a certain speed to make me feel more frustrated with myself.  Every time I was leapfrogged or passed by another runner I distracted myself with the reminder of the motto; Winners forget they are in a race.... Instead I focused on why I was really there; 
 

 I was there to smell the wonderful scent of fall leaves, pine needles and frosty air.  I was there to see the beautiful fall colors and wonder at this lovely trail and world that I live in. 
I was there to laugh with friends and cheer others on as we pushed through 10.7 miles or more. I was there to laugh and sing and chase my husband through the woods, to feel like a kid again, to fall in love with running again.


 

I think I prevailed, in spite of fatigue, sore knees, and struggling with shortness of breath. I had a wonderful time and shared the day with many positive and encouraging souls. I was able to shout encouragement to others as they passed and sing and laugh my way through the woods.  It was the best of times and my smile at the finish shows the day was a success. I may not have won any awards but I feel like a winner!

Welcome Back Sun

It was wonderful starting an early morning (7 am) run without having a flashlight or headlamp.  The weather remains very cold, however the blush of day to start the run was a welcome sight!

You would think the low temperatures would mean fewer runners out early in the morning.  I am so excited to see so many out to prove themselves and stay active. Old Man Winter won't chase us back indoors!

Steve and I did a 10k out and back.  The advantage of which is we get to cheer on those who are at the back of the pack and those who are part of other running groups who have a later start.  It was great see friends from KPStrong and Running Fit.  Giving a "Woop Woop" of encouragement and collecting on the run high fives and hugs is one of my favorite parts of this game. 

Steve and I stopped on the bridge again to do the required "I came, I saw, I conquered this course" selfie.  I finally realized why my kids have such goofy looks half the time when I try to take their picture.  I seriously despair sometimes and wonder how so many family's get these wonderful photos, while I'm lucky if everyone is looking at the camera.  I present the photo sequence that made me laugh this morning and realize it's all Steve's genes.

Derp face

Eyes Closed

Maybe we should stop moving first...and why is Steve always so serious

Fourth try is a charm!

Last time I managed to drag Steve out to a morning run with a promise of breakfast after.  Sadly no one was going out after that run and Steve has not let me forget it.  Luckily this time was a great breakfast at the New Hudson Inn.  Hot breakfast, excellent company and good conversation are my favorite ways to conclude a good run.

I will conclude with some reading recommendations.  I most recently finished Scott and Jenny Jurek's "North".  This is the story of Scott's breaking the Fastest Known Time for completing the entire Appalachian Trail.  An amazing and inspiring journey which I listened to the audible version of and was not disappointing.  They really brought the trials, beauty, and scary parts of the trail to life.  Anyone interested in trail running or the Appalachian trail would enjoy this book.

Next on my reading list is "Run For Your Life" by Mark Cucuzzella M.D.

Be well my friends and find your happy pace!

Icy Run

"You know it's only 4 degrees out right? And that's not taking into account windchill."

This is from my husband still lying in the warm cozy bed as I struggle to shove myself into fleece running tights. 

"You don't have to come" I tell him. Yes it is a bit crazy. So are the multiple layers, foot warmers, hand warmers, flashlight and water bottle (which will probably freeze before I can drink half of it) that make me feel pretty bulky and awkward when running.  But I'm getting out there and getting my miles in and I hope to get Steve running with me again.

In the dark parking lot the Running Lab spring training group gather.  Many comments of "this is crazy"  "We're all nuts" can be heard in the dark as we try to figure out who is who and find our pace groups.  Funny we all look pretty similar when we bundle up!  I am proud to be a part of this dedicated group of crazies who came out in the cold to run anyway.

Those who know of my struggles with Raynaud's know that I have an especially hard time in the cold.  Breathing is more difficult and muscles don't want to work no matter how you force them when your capillaries are in spasm from cold. In hindsight I probably should have worn a wind breaking layer on my legs. The fleece tights weren't warm enough in -4 temps. My legs quickly went numb and I felt like I was trying to run with bags of ice strapped to them. I was grateful for Steve's presence and his willingness to keep to my slow pace. I focused on my steps ahead of me and trying to ignore my protesting legs.

I distracted myself with thoughts of blood restricted strength training, which I had been researching earlier this week. After all, if my capillaries are in spasm and my muscles are numb from cold I'm probably experiencing my own blood restricted training. Which will make me stronger faster right? I just need to push through and make my legs move when they are pretty sure they don't want to.

The seeping dawn light was a beautiful sight through the trees. I love this time of the morning when everything is still and the sky is slowly brightening. It always makes me feel hopeful and alive. It's a new day and who knows what adventures and joys there will be today.

I recently started using a new alarm clock app that has birdsong for the alarm and about halfway through the run I started hearing my alarm go off and couldn't get to my phone. Then was puzzled when the birdsong continued. That is until I saw the birds flying from tree to tree and realized it really was the birds waking up to greet the new day!  

One of the strange and beautiful side effects of running in the cold is the frosting of your moist hot breath on your face, clothes, and eyelashes. Everything gets covered in these beautiful frost crystals.  I am a bit jealous of the guys with their frosty beards. It's fun to see everyone's frosty photos  post run.

That's an impressive ice cycle on my eyelash!

I am grateful for my husband joining me in the run, and committing to train for his first half marathon in 2 years. I am grateful for friends old and new stumbling about in the cold and the dark and encouraging each other in the day's miles. I am grateful for blue skies and beautiful sunrises full of birdsong.

Life is good my friends!

Best Made Plans

Dances With Dirt is a tough slog through underbrush, swamps, rivers, up and down slippery steep hills and sometimes on actual trail.  Honestly I think the trail portions are to lull us into a false sense of security.
You have to be vigilant and pay attention to flags and ribbons hanging from trees, without which you will become quickly lost.  This is not a zone out and enjoy run, this is a pay attention to your surroundings and try to plan the best way to cross this obstacle run.
We had difficulties like not finding a fifth team member and then another member with an injured ankle.  However we were determined to try and complete what we could of the race.
The morning started with just Claudia and I at the start not sure when our team mates would be able to make it to the race. 
This is when the plans of who ran what leg went right out the window.  "No battle plan survives first contact with the enemy. " So very true in this case, Claudia and I decided to take turns running the legs as best we could until others were able to make it out.   I was taking the first Lap and though I was back of the pack I was far from last.  I even had a couple runners stay with me who had missed a turn off until they spotted me in the woods.  It was a nice morning 4.5 mile romp and I was feeling really good at the end.  Claudia took the second loop and with still no sign of the others.  My plan continued to be that Claudia and I would take turns until we were tired of running and just enjoy what we could of the race.  Luckily Michelle made it out in time to run the 3rd leg.  But by the 4th leg, which I ran, we were the back of the pack and the sweeper was waiting for us to go out.
 I kept ahead of the sweeper but did not see any other runners on the course until a guy who had accidentally run the wrong loop caught up with me.  He and I hung together a bit and helped each other cross a mud pit then he took off at a faster pace and I had the course to myself until I started running into runners on another leg coming toward me.  Most of them thought I was one of the Ultra runners and cheered me on with "Good Job!" and "Way to go Ultra" I took the accolades and cheerfully returned their encouragement.  Coming into the finish of my second leg the place was nearly deserted and when Claudia started the 5th leg I could tell we were very behind.
However I was still feeling pretty good, and we were cheerfully determined to try to get through the whole course so Michelle and I headed to the next legs.

 Technically we weren't supposed to start cheating until the 7th but after waiting 40 min with Claudia was still out on the 5th I decided to start the 6th leg before she came in.  It was a good thing I did because halfway through the leg I ran into the sweeper removing the blue flags marking my leg.  He was very surprised to see me still on the course, offered to lead me to the entrance to the swamp portion, which he assured me was still marked, and also suggested we skip a couple legs and maybe I should be taking the shortcut rather than go through the swamp.
All very logical and probably good advice at this point.  After all the swamp portion is dangerous. Going out there by myself with no other runners around to see if I get hurt and need help is probably a bit stupid if not suicidal.  But this is where my stubborn "I will do this and I will get through the toughest course" kicks in. 
The swamp portion is called "This Sucks" and it truly did.  It was awful with so much water to cross that after awhile I thought I was on the wrong leg and took out a very soggy course description to make sure I was following the correct colored flag and wasn't on the "River Styx" leg.  Seriously I stepped into what I thought was a puddle and was up to my neck in water. I was crossing not just mud pits but rivers running through the swamp. That's when I found my friend Frank.  Frank was a very muddy but sturdy stick that I used to test how deep the mud went, how deep the water was, whether a branch I was stepping onto was stable...you get the picture. It reminded me of the Red Sauce commercial..."Frank, I put that stick on everything"
It was slow going but I was playing it safe and grinning every time I made it past an obstacle.  In the end I got through with only a few scratches.  Pulling myself up the ditch onto the road from the swamp I was reluctant to leave Frank behind and started running with him.  I passed a couple hikers who wouldn't look me in the eye and realized what I must have looked like.  With no other runners around me this wild muddy woman dragging herself out of the swamp with a large branch..I must have been grinning like crazy because I made it through!  It's no wonder they looked away and hurried past me!

I finished my third leg and by that point Victoria had joined us and gone out on a leg, Michelle was still out on the 8th leg having skipped the 7th.  But we were so far behind the rest of the teams that flags were being taken down and we were worried about being alone and getting lost.  We skipped several legs and Claudia decided to run the final "Glory" leg.  Bringing our team home.  The rest of us layered up from the chill and waited to run her in at the end.

It was a rough day and each of us faced challenges both in getting to the race and the race itself.

 I am so proud of our effort to get through our various challenges.  

Standing together in the end...Way To Go Team Crash!!