Taking a moment

 It's been a very busy week.  I have new hours and new responsibilities at work as I take on the role of Assistant Events Manager.  At home I am busy trying to clean pack and prepare our teardrop trailer for our vacation next week.  I am trying to take time to rest as I need it and it's frustrating how many times I have to go lay down until the fatigue passes.  I am past the go, go, go period of my life and strong willed part of myself really wants it back.  

 Yesterday I had a moment.  When I went to haul the bins out to the curb I bent to pick up a scrap of paper and as I did so a large dragon fly landed on the paper I was holding.  There I was, caught in a "moment".   I didn't want to move and could hardly breath as I inspected it's beautiful emerald green faceted eyes and it's iridescent wings shimmered in the early morning sun.  It seemed quite content to just sit there, the superstitious part of me wondered if it was a message.  The part of my brain that looks for meaning in the world around me wondered if it could talk what it wanted to tell me.  

For many different cultures around the world the dragonfly has many meanings. 

"Throughout many Native American nations (as well as other cultures worldwide) the dragonfly is representative of change, transformation, renewal, and self-realization, as well as speed, activity, dynamism, magic, and mystery."

A couple weeks ago I had a dragonfly "rider" while I was kayaking with my Brother and sister in law.  It stayed for over an hour sitting on top of my hat as I paddled down the Chippewa river.  My sister in law said you could watch it occasionally zip off of the hat and attack some incoming bug, then return right to the top of my head.  They wished they could have a guardian dragonfly!  

For whatever reason dragonflies have been making frequent appearance in my life lately.  Maybe to tell me it's time to trust the changes that go on in my life, embrace the transformations and growth and movement from one way of being to another.  Maybe it's OK to let go of the "Go, Go, Go" stage of my life and embrace the "active with periods of rest and contemplation stage".  In the end it would probably be healthier for me to Not try to push through my exhaustion and instead embrace the necessary times of rest. 

 

Robin Mama

 I stepped away from Facebook for a spell. It was shortly after the loss of a dear friend, and I found myself doom scrolling too much.  With many of the posts in my feed being horrible news and memes that just increased my general sadness and anxiety.  I felt bad letting go of Facebook, as it has over the years become my main way of sharing photos and upcoming events and life's happy times with friends and family.  However I just couldn't seem to stop myself from passing too many hours scrolling the feed that did nothing to improve my mental state.  I erased Facebook from my phone and though I told myself I could check in on my family and friends via my computer a couple times a week I found myself avoiding it altogether.

My only regret is a bit of narcissism that I enjoyed sharing pictures and adventures with friends and have been told by several that they enjoy my stories and shared pictures.  One sweet person in particular was part of my cancer support group and as things got more difficult for her she said she enjoyed living vicariously through me and seeing my adventures.  She passed away recently and I feel sad that I wasn't sharing these past few months.  

They say the thing people regret most at the end of their lives is when they withheld love, and that kind of feels like what has happened.  I love to share with friends. I share things that I hope will help others to find joy or appreciate the world around them.  I try to share things I feel are informative or events that other's might find interesting or inspiring or helpful.  I share because I love you all and at the core of it, I believe this world to be a good place with many good people who are just trying to do the best they can to survive it.

I will try to check in on Facebook each week, and share some of life's events, but if you don't see me on social media don't think I am avoiding you dear friends.  Give me a call to chat or plan a walk or meet me for coffee or tea ( I drink both).  Don't think that I am ignoring you or don't care if I am not online, it is because I am endeavoring to change my focus to the real world.

This morning I went out onto the porch swing and worked on my Journal and watched a Mama Robin feed her babies.  My journal question for the day was "What is making you hopeful right now?"  I used a mindfulness exercise where I went through the five senses to ground and center myself in the present and that pretty much answered perfectly what makes me hopeful:

-The smell of the damp post rain air.

- The sound of cheerful and raucous birdsong filling the trees.

-The feel of the gently rocking porch swing supporting me and the warm mug in my hands.

-The taste of the dark rich coffee that makes me think of warmer tropical places in the sun.

-The sight of a mother robin who built her nest on my front porch wreath and is busily hunting worms to feed her babies.

May you find some peace and contentment sometime today my friends.